Saturday, August 27, 2005

The Stupidity Event Horizon

CHICAGO--Cubs fans in Chicago were amazed to discover Friday that Dusty Baker, manager of the Chicago Cubs, had finally reached the Stupidity Event Horizon, the point at which no rational thought can resist the draw of Baker's amazing stupidity.

The Stupidity Event Horizon occurred Friday afternoon. Baker, with regular third baseman Aramis Ramirez on the disabled list, started Nomar Garciaparra in Ramirez's place and used rookie Ronny Cedeno at shortstop. For those who are Ron Santo enough to keep score at home, the total number of shortstops on the field at that point was two. And then, the Stupidity Event Horizon occurred.

Baker managed, amazingly, to find a place for Neifi F. Perez in his lineup. With two regular shortstops on the field, Baker, not unlike life in Jurassic Park, found a way. At the exact point when Baker penciled Perez into the lineup, the Stupidity Event Horizon swallowed up any logical thought occurring within a ten-mile radius of Wrigley Field. Car accidents occurred, irrational business deals took place, and an unusual number of patrons attended the opening of The Cave.

"Fire Dusty Baker" will keep abreast of the development of this Stupidity Event Horizon, and will keep its readers informed as to what precautionary measures can be taken in case another such Stupidity Event Horizon occurs.

No comments: