Hollandsworth Traded for White Flag, Towel to Throw

CHICAGO--During the Cubs' 9-6 loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles, Cubs general manager Jim Hendry traded Todd Hollandsworth to the Atlanta Braves for a white flag and a towel. Cubs manager Dusty Baker plans to start the white flag in left field rather than rookie Matt Murton.

The towel will be ceremonially tossed onto the field before each Cubs game for the rest of the year. The tosser of the towel will be selected from a group of people traditionally known, according to Vice President of Marketing, John McDonough, as "colossal losers." The first such towel-throwers will be the producers of the 2003 box office flop Gigli. Other notable throwers will be former Cubs Bill Buckner, Leon Durham, and Alex Gonzalez. Several phone calls made by the marketing department to Todd Hundley were not answered, although his voice mail indicated that he is in rehab.