Friday, April 15, 2005

Dusty Doesn't Screw Things up for Twenty-Three Hours!

In a record-setting day yesterday, Dusty Baker almost made it through an entire day without messing anything up. The Cubs had an off day, so Dusty was unable to concoct his usual hair-brained lineups for an entire day.

At the twenty-third hour of Dusty's stupidity-free day, though, he inadvertantly set off his smoke alarm by burning two pieces of whole wheat bread in the toaster. The toaster incident prevented Dusty from completing the perfect day, although the twenty-three hours shattered his previous record of not doing anything stupid by fifteen hours. The previous eight-hour record had been set as Dusty slept from 11:28 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. on August 12, 2001.

The offending toast

When asked for comment, Dusty's wife, Melissa, said, "Dusty was upset with himself for not completing the perfect day. He's always had such a difficult time with the appliances, especially the ones that use electricity."

"Fire Dusty Baker!" tried to reach Dusty for comment, but we could not hear what he was saying. We believe that he was trying to listen through the microphone part of his phone and talk into the earpiece part.

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