Monday, July 10, 2006

Zambrano Defects to NL All-Star Team

PITTSBURGH--After spending almost four full seasons of his Major League baseball career in the Cubs' organization, Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano has had enough. On Monday, soon after arriving in Pittsburgh for the All-Star Game, the Venezuelan superstar defected to the National League All-Star team.

Zambrano's decision came mere hours after the Cubs defeated Milwaukee to win the series with the Brewers three games to one, and to send the Cubs to their longest winning streak of the season: three games. "Now that we've won three games in a row, I think that Jim Hendry might re-sign Dusty Baker, and my arm just can't handle that."

Zambrano's right arm begged to differ. "I can handle that," Zambrano's right arm said. "If I can handle all the instant messaging he does, I can certainly handle throwing upwards of 250 pitches per start." Zambrano's left arm did not return phone messages left for it by Fire Dusty Baker!

Zambrano thinks that playing exclusively for the National League All-Star team will prolong his career. "When I went to the All-Star Game [in 2004], they only made me pitch an inning. Only one inning! I think that if I only have to pitch one inning per year, I can pitch for the next 4000 years. If I pitch for Dusty, I think I might reach that by September."

Cubs pitchers Mark Prior and Kerry Wood were amazed by Zambrano's lofty goals. "He wants to throw an inning? In one year? Like, three outs? 'Big Z' is a total workhorse," Prior said. "He's not going to bat, too, is he?" Prior asked.

Fire Dusty Baker! caught up to Wood, who was similarly amazed, in a brief period of lucidity between surgery-induced anesthesia highs. "I'm sure going to miss Carlos," Wood said. "He took a lot of pressure of the other starters by eating a lot of innings. Who are our starters again these days?" When Wood was informed that Glendon Rusch had taken the hill for the Cubs on Sunday, he slipped into a deep coma.

Zambrano is expected to pitch the fourth inning of Tuesday's All-Star game. His next appearance will be in July of 2007, two months ahead of Prior and Wood's next starts.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

With the trades and acquisitions made going into the draft, plus the bulk of the team that is carried over from last season, and the trades and draft picks made during the draft, it sure seems like the Pats are going to be the team to beat in the AFC this season, and perhaps in all of the NFL.

Considering the Pats were almost in the Superbowl last season with a pathetic receiving corps and that they've added very talented players into said receiving corps this season, barring some nasty injury(ies), they look to be the team to take it all.I say injury(ies) because I think they could survive an injury or two to some positions, but if they lost Brady they'd probably have a hard time recovering.


I wish I could say that the Redskins did well in the draft and/or in free agency but so many holes still exist that I'm not sure they'll be significantly better than last season. I suppose on face they should be if they can keep their corners healthy. With Landry (argh, hard to type that name as a Redskin!!) back there with a healthy secondary they might be able to cheat up more and put more pressure on opposing QBs. Might.

They still have what should be a lot of talent in the receiving positions, and Campbell should be better, but they don't have the quality on either line (offense or defense) that I wish they'd have, so it could be yet another year of .500 at best, or worse.

Still, the NFC East looks to be the NFC Least again this season. None of the teams there look like they'll be that good, and none really look ready to step up and take the division.

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